Downpour
by becky2102
Summary: Olivia can't keep her past hidden forever.
1. Chapter 1

_Just some things that were floating around my head. Probably won't turn into much, but let me know if you think it should continue…._

_I don't own anything, etc…._

Downpour

Chapter 1

The rain was coming down in sheets, washing down the front windshield completely obscuring the view. Elliot Stabler wasn't letting the weather slow him down as he pushed the sedan to higher speeds as he rushed upstate to meet the deadline. They had less than 3 hours less on the warrant and he was not about to let this guy slip through their fingers because of a little weather. The sky was dark and he was having a hard time seeing the road. The wiper blades were frantically swishing water off the windshield in a futile attempt to improve visibility. Elliot's hands gripped the steering wheel at 10 and 2 as he desperately tried to go as fast as he could without losing control of the car.

Sitting next to him in the passenger seat, Olivia Benson had a death grip on the door handle. Her breathing was fast and shallow. Every time they hit a puddle or a particularly bad patch of wind or rain or if the back end of the car swung a little she gasped and closed her eyes. Elliot took his eyes off the road for a split second to look at his partner. She was pale and had a pained look on her face; her eyes were scrunched closed.

"You okay, Benson?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, fine," she forced out. The words were stilted and short.

"You sure? What's wrong?" he asked again.

"Yeah, just...just slow down a little huh? I want to get there in one piece," she said.

"We only have another 3 hours left on this warrant. It's at least another 75 miles to the town where he was seen. In this weather...Well, we don't have the time to slow down..." he countered, not letting up on the gas pedal.

"Well, it won't do any good if we never get there at all," she retorted, closing her eyes again and turning away from him.

He watched her out of corner of his eye. The car hydroplaned for a split second, making an awful noise when the back tires spun out of control. Olivia gasped and clutched the door handle. This was starting to worry him. His partner, who could take down men twice her size, who'd done her own fair share of police pursuits, on food and on wheels, looked terrified. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look scared before, not like this.

"What's goin on, Liv? You don't do this," he asked.

"Don't tell me what I do and don't do," she said, hissing as the back end of the car wagged again. "I was in a bad car wreck up here once, about 20 miles from here. It was raining, hard, and we lost control of the car. I don't want to relive that, so just slow down, okay?"

He let up a little off the gas, but hardly enough to make a difference. His partner was a bundle of nerves next to him, every muscles tensed. He could see the muscles in her neck contract and could see the artery in her temple pulsing. Whatever it was that happened, it had clearly freaked her out.

"You were driving?" he asked.

"No, passenger," she replied shortly.

"Were you hurt?"

"Not badly. Look, I don't want to talk about it, just pay attention and don't crash," she spat at him.

"What were you doing up here?" he asked.

What she was thinking was 'I lived up here,' but what she said was "We were going to a concert." She said it with an air of finality, begging him to understand and to stop asking questions.

"Who is 'we'?" he asked, thinking maybe he could distract her from the drive.

It seemed to have an opposite effect. She bounced her legs incessantly and gripped the handle until her knuckles turned white. "A friend," she replied.

"Just a friend?" he pushed jokingly, he always enjoyed giving his dedicated partner a hard time about her personal life.

She didn't say anything in response, but turned toward the window and closed her eyes, trying to block out the rain and noise.

'Well, that didn't go very well,' he thought. He did as she asked and pulled a little bit more off the gas. Going 5mph less would only save them about 5 minutes at this point, that wasn't going to make or break the day.

An hour and ten minutes later they pulled up outside a diner in a small town. Fin and Munch were already there. "You driving like an old man, Stabler, or what? We've been here like 10 mintues," Fin said.

Not even looking at Olivia, who was still looking a little shaky, Elliot replied "Hey, just cause I don't enjoy driving in a monsoon..." The local sheriff entered the diner where they were waiting and saved him from any further explanation. Olivia had gone to the counter and asked for a glass of water. She returned to the group, sipping the ice water slowly, looking much more like her normal self. The sheriff outlined the area where their guy had been seen. He'd been seen hanging around a small motel, where he'd gotten a room, and the local guys had tailed him to a warehouse yesterday before losing him. They'd had someone sitting on the motel and knew he wasn't inside. The four detectives headed towards the warehouse, with the sheriff tailing them with one extra squad car, driven by his deputy. The two of them compromised half of the local police force.

The rain had stooped by the time they got to the warehouse. It was actually a group of old industrial building sitting unused for about 20 years, detectives found belongings that they thought belonged to their guy. They had their weapons pulled when Olivia heard a noise above her. She looked up just in time to see one of the large, empty shelves come falling towards her. She hollered at the other detectives and jumped out the way, feeling the corner of the metal shelf cut into her arm and knock her forwards. Fin and Munch were far enough away to not get hit, but the shelf caught Elliot square in the back. The other two detectives saw a man in a plaid shirt running from the shelf and took off after him, Olivia yelling at them to go, she'd take care of Elliot.

They took off running. She heard yelling and a scuffle and hoped that they had caught him before he got out of the building. Elliot had been knocked flat on his stomach, the shelf resting partway on his back and legs. He hadn't been hit on the head and was mostly looking at Olivia with a look that said 'get me out of here and let's never speak of this again." She was able to lift the shelf high enough to allow him to slither out from underneath. The minute he was out, she let the shelf clatter to the ground. It wasn't particularly heavy or sturdy, but it was big and it was metal. She felt the blood dripping down her arm and used her other hand to hold pressure on it. Elliot pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and she grabbed it, gladly exchanging her hand for the dry cloth. Fin and Munch had indeed collared their suspect before he exited the warehouse. He was handcuffed and they were dragging him back to the front of the building. Elliot called the sheriff, who brought his squad car around from the second building, which he and the deputy had been investigating.

As they shoved the suspect into the back of the car, Munch asked "How bad's your arm, Liv? You going to need stitches?"

She glanced down at her upper arm and pulled the cloth away slowly. She was rewarded with another fresh stream of blood. She grimaced but didn't say anything, not wanting to admit it.

"I'm going to take that as a yes," Munch replied. "Well, Elliot's gonna need an xray anyway," he said, watching Elliot walk awkwardly towards the car. "Might as well get a two-fer." She turned to walk towards the other squadcar and as she did so she heard Munch say, "Benson? What happened to your neck?"

She turned to him in confusion; her neck was fine. She lifted her bad arm to touch the back of her neck, the good hand still firmly clasped over the cut on the opposite arm and felt something sticky. The back of her head was a little tender under her fingers. She brought her hand down and looked down at her hand, stunned to see it covered in blood. She looked up at Munch in shock, confused, her forehead wrinkled.

"That shelf must've caught you in the back of the head. You feel okay though?" Munch asked. She simply nodded at him. "Come on, Fin can take our guy back to the local station and let him sit there for a while. I'll play ambulance for you and your partner. Sheesh, you'd think you two are accident prone or something. Let's go."

"This is ridiculous," Olivia mumbled as she climbed into the back of the squadcar. Elliot was already sitting in the front seat. She tried not to touch anything; her hands and shirt were covered in blood.

"New York's Finest indeed. I'm a multi-talented detective. Arrest the bad guy and then play ambulance for my less fortunate colleagues. Think I should blast the sirens?" He looked at Olivia in the rearview mirror and she just glared at him.

"Just drive, Munch," she said.

At the hospital, which was the trauma center for the county, they found the rain had caused a lot of accidents on the local roads. The place was crowded, with gurneys stacked in the hallway. The fact that they were police officers plus the fact that Olivia was covered in blood got them through the mess in the lobby and into a curtained room, which they had to share, pretty quickly. A doctor stopped by and took a quick look at Olivia's arm and the back of her head, assured her that she would indeed need some stitches and then turned his attention to Elliot. A quick exam later, the doctor told them that he needed x-rays to know for sure, but that it was mostly muscular and would heal with time. He ordered a pain killer and a muscle relaxer and left, saying he'd be back. Not more than a few minutes later a woman showed up asking questions about them. Names, birthdates, addresses, work information. She started with Elliot and then moved on to Olivia.

"You've been here before, Ms. Benson?" the brisk woman asked. "We've started integrating our old records into the electronic system, gotten all the way back to 1983. Looks like you were here in 1986? Car accident?"

"Uh, yeah..." Olivia muttered. The woman read off her full name and birthday and looked at her expectantly. Olivia nodded. "You lived on Birch Road?" Olivia nodded again. The woman continued to fill out information on her clipboard as a nurse came in and gave Elliot a couple of pills, which he swallowed gladly. He vaguely wondered why the hospital thought Olivia had lived in a nearby town, as far as he knew she'd always lived in Manhattan. That's what she had always said. In 1986 she'd been a teenager, and a bit of a wild one, he thought, probably she'd given a fake address, though they had her correct name and birthday, so it didn't really make sense. His detective brain was spinning. Another nurse came and interrupted the registration lady, telling Olivia they wanted to move her to clean out her head wound. She handed her a gown and told her to change and pointed her towards the bathroom. Once inside, Olivia took the chance to wash off as much blood as she could. The bandage the nurse had slapped on her arm when they'd walked in the door had stopped most of the bleeding and she didn't think her head was bleeding anymore either. She did look a mess, no wonder they didn't want her in the waiting room. She found the nurse waiting for her and was immediately escorted to another curtained room where the doctor had a whole tray of instruments she didn't want to think about. She sat down and followed his instructions.

Down the hall in the curtained area with Elliot, the registration woman was still filling out paper work. "Are you Ms. Benson's husband?" she asked, hoping that he would be able to help him finish the paperwork.

"Ah, no," he said, "her partner." She gave him a look and he clarified "Her WORK partner."

"Ah, I see. Well, do you know if Ms. Benson is still married?"

He chuckled at that, "No, she's not married."

"Divorced? Widowed?" she pushed, without a hit of kindness or bedside manner.

"Uh, no, she's never been married," he clarified.

"Well, this record says last time she was here she was married, so if she's not now she's either divorce or widowed and just not telling you the truth," she said harshly.

"Didn't you say she was here in 1986? She was like 16, you think she was married? More likely your record is wrong." This lady was killing him, the meds were starting to kick in and he felt a little sleepy. He was in less pain, for sure, but he was definitely tired.

"So do you know her emergency contact then?" she asked.

"Uh, you can put me, that's what she usually does." He gave her his name and phone number again.

"Does she have allergies?" she asked.

"No, no allergies."

"Does she take any medications? Any past surgeries? Past medical problems?"

"No, not that I know of," he replied.

"Hmmhmm," the woman replied. Elliot was getting really annoyed at her rude manner.

"Oh, I see," she said to herself, "Well that explains that..." she looked up at Elliot with something akin to pity on her face. She heard a shout from down the hall and stuck her head out the curtain. Setting the papers down on the counter, she told Elliot "I'll be back in a minute," and she hurried down the hallway.

Curious about what she'd seen on the paper that had apparently clarified everything, Elliot stood slowly and leaned over to look at the paperwork. There was a scanned and printed copy of the old records from 1986 as well as the new information form. He glanced at the new form and not finding anything interesting, glanced at the old form. It had Olivia's name, an address about 15 miles from the hospital on Birch Road. The thing that caught his eye was under Emergency Contact was a name, Steven Rhodes and in the section labeled relationship it said "spouse." The name had been crossed out and the letters 'dec' written next to it.

Elliot heard footsteps outside in the hallway and quickly shoved the papers back into a pile and sat back down on the uncomfortable gurney. His mind was spinning again. Either someone had mixed up the records, which wasn't likely considering he'd seen Olivia's signature on the bottom of the form, or she'd lied, either to the hospital or to him. She had been barely 17 at the time. What kind of stunt had she been pulling? He knew she'd sown some wild oats in her time, but lying on a hospital form? For what purpose? And why would she lie to him?

He lay on the gurney, letting the drugs fog his head a bit as he thought about that. She must've come to this hospital after the car accident she'd told him about. He slowly let the fog cover him. The next thing he knew, Olivia was bent over him, dressed in a green scrub top.

"Elliot. Elliot!" she called, shaking his shoulders. He pulled himself out of the drug-induced fog. "Come on, if you can walk, we've been released. Munch is outside, he'll bring us back and we'll pick up Fin and get back to civilization." That remark made the nurse give her a dirty look. Just because they weren't New York City didn't mean they were total hicks. He stumbled to his feet and they made their way slowly out of the hospital. Whatever drugs they had given him had knocked him out, but they'd also totally gotten rid of the spasms in his back. Climbing into the passenger seat he groaned, it was still going to be a long drive back to the city.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

A couple of weeks later things were back to normal, he'd sat at a desk until he'd been able to move like a normal person again, which hadn't taken long. Olivia had gotten her stitches out of her arm and the staples out of her head a few days ago. They'd both taken some good-natured ribbing about being taken out by a shelf. Olivia was mostly pissed that now she had a scar on her arm. Elliot tried to convince her that it looked cool, but she'd countered that that only worked for guys trying to impress girls, not the other way around. "Somehow I doubt that my next date is going to be impressed that I managed to get 8 stitches while on the job..." she said blithely.

There new case was a sticky one, with a teenager who'd been raped. She was also pregnant, and there was a lot of confusion as to who the father is, who the rapist is and whether not she consented to the sex with the other man, which would be statutory or with the teenager.

"Nah," Fin was saying, "no way. My bet is she willing went to this Hannington character; I didn't get the feel of anything sordid about him. The teenager though, he was all calloused and hard, I'd finger him for the rape."

"If that's the case then we have two rapists. She's 16! Harrington's almost 20. That's statutory. If she slept with him, then he's guilty of that," Elliot argued.

"There are barely three years separating Kim and Harrington, technically it's statutory, but I don't think that's our biggest problem here," Olivia argued.

"What, so it's okay for him to sleep with an underage girl? She's a child! She can't consent," Elliot argued.

"I know, I'm not arguing that. What I'm saying is that he's not malicious, not a danger, they've been dating since she was 14 and he was 17. They got caught in an unfortunate timeline. This Josephs character though, I'm with Fin. Something's off with him," she rebutted.

"So you really think that it's okay for a 16 year old to be running around sleeping with someone who's three years older than her? Hell, it was okay when she was 14?" Elliot said accusingly to Olivia.

"Hey, 14 maybe, but 16 is not all that young, despite what you might think, Elliot. Now I am sure this doesn't apply to your daughters, but most kids have their first sexual experience before they graduate high school," Olivia said.

"Hell," Fin jumped in, "My first time, I was 16 and so was the girl. Kids are stupid, don't understand the consequences."

"Hey, you don't need to tell me," Elliot rebutted, "I understand consequences. My little consequence just turned 16 last month. I don't even want to think about it," he said.

"Well, you should probably start wrapping your head around it," Olivia said. "Maureen's smart enough to not get herself into a situation like this poor girl, not all teenager's are totally clueless. They are all into sex though..."

"How old were you, Olivia?" Elliot asked.

"Fifteen," she said almost sheepishly, "but I..." she trailed off. She couldn't believe what she had almost said. Over twenty years, she wasn't going to start bringing up that shit now.

"You what?" Munch piped in sarcastically, "You LOVED him, so it was different. Come on, Liv, all teenagers think they're special and going to marry their one love they meet at 16..."

She didn't say anything is response. What she was about to say was 'but I actually married him.' She actually was the one teenager who met and married her first love, however brief it might have been. She turned back to the case at hand and changed the subject. "So let's figure out how to nail this Josephs guy. He seems like such a little prick."

Always the observer, Elliot noticed something forced about the way Olivia comported herself the rest of the day. As they were on their way to pick up Josephs, Elliot asked her "So who was he, Liv?"

"Who?" she asked, confused.

"They guy you so desperately loved at 15?" he answered.

"Oh," she replied, looking down. "My first great love." She gave Elliot a crooked grin. "His name was Steve."

"And you slept with him?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did," she replied.

"You were 15 and you slept with him? How old was he?" he asked.

"Yes, Elliot. I was 15 and he was 17 then he was 18 and I slept with him because I wanted to. I'm not one of your daughters, Elliot," she said sharply.

"You were somebody's daughter," he protested.

"My mother could have cared less who I was sleeping with when I was sixteen," she retorted, making him feel guilty.

"Do you regret it?" he asked.

"Regret it? Sleeping with him? No. I do wish that I had met him when I was older instead of when I was 15, but..." She shrugged.

"So why did you break up?" he asked. "You were 15, maybe I can convince Maureen she should ditch her boyfriends for the same reason," he joked. He looked over at her with a grin and saw that she had a look of horror on her face.

"Oh god, I hope not," she said, the words slipping out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"He died, Elliot. Please don't ever wish that on your daughters, no matter how much you hate their boyfriends."

"Ohh, Liv. I'm sorry," he said bluntly. "I didn't mean to make you..."

She interrupted him, "It's okay, El. It was a long time ago, huh?"

Suddenly he put things together in his head. "The car wreck. Upstate. In the rain?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Come on, this is the address."

Elliot looked up, she was right, he'd almost walked right passed it. They entered and the conversation was forgotten for the time being. It wasn't until 2 days later that Olivia began to wonder how Elliot knew Steve had been her friend in the car wreck.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Elliot and Olivia were eating sandwiches over a massive pile of case files one Saturday afternoon when Fin's head appeared at the top of the stairs and told them "Hey, Stabler. Kathy and Maureen are here."

Elliot gave Olivia a look and shrugged and set down his sandwich to head downstairs. Before he made it off the couch, Kathy entered the loft where they'd been sitting. She looked anxious about something. Maureen was behind her trying to get her mom to slow down. "Please, mom, you don't need to-" Kathy cut her off. "This is happening, Maureen. Be quiet," she hissed at her oldest daughter. Maureen had a look of complete torture on her face, a look that only teenagers can give with perfection. Olivia looked for a way out, but by now all the exits were blocked by Stablers.

"Kathy, what's going on?" Elliot asked hurriedly.

"Your daughter," she started. She stopped then restarted in a quieter voice. "Your daughter has informed me that she wants me to take her to the clinic to get started on the birth control pill." Maureen looked like she wanted to die. Elliot looked like his eyes were going to bug out of his eye sockets. Olivia wished she could be anywhere but where she was, stuck on the couch without an exit.

"No way, absolutely not!" he said, more loudly than was necessary.

"DAD!" Maureen wailed, "SHHHH."

"What? You're old enough to have sex but not old enough to talk about it?" he sad.

"Obviously I CAN talk about it. I talked to mom. I don't want to talk about it HERE with YOU," she retorted.

"Kathy? What the hell is going on? Who is she even dating? Where did she get this idea?" Elliot asked his wife.

"This IDEA?" she retorted. She's 16! Where do you think she got the idea? At least she's being responsible..."

"You think this is a GOOD idea!" he accused her.

"I think we need to talk about it," she replied.

Seeing her opportunity and seizing it while she could, Olivia stood and darted to the stairway, gesturing to Maureen to follow her. "Elliot," she said. "Maureen and I are going to grab a cup of coffee." She turned and walked down the steps, knowing Elliot barely heard her and was so focused on the conversation with his wife that it wouldn't have mattered what she said. She touched Maureen's elbow and got her to follow and jogged down the stairs. Down in the bullpen she told Munch she was taking Maureen down the block for a cup of coffee and asked him to tell Elliot when he came to his senses.

The teenager followed the older brunette out of the room, protesting, "Olivia, I don't even like coffee."

"Do you like coffee more or less than you like being in the room with your parents while they have this conversation?" she asked in return. Maureen nodded and followed Olivia silently into the elevator.

At the coffee shop on the corner, Olivia walked to the counter and gestured to Maureen. "My treat," she said.

"Um, I guess I'll have a hot chocolate?" the girl said it almost like it was a question.

Olivia shook her head. "Nope, not today, honey. You want to be an adult, you drink an adult beverage. Two espressos, please," she told the man behind the counter. He nodded. She quickly paid and then led Maureen to a small table by the window while they waited for their drinks.

"So they say you are officially an adult when you start to do three things: Drink coffee, have sex, and take care of your parents," Olivia began. "You want to be an adult, huh? You can do the first one today, and then the third when your father's has a coronary after finding out you've done the second."

"Olivia..." Maureen protested.

Olivia held up her hands in acknowledgement. "I know, you're right. Sorry."

"So, tell me why you want to have sex then?" she asked. Maureen turned a bright shade of red as the man dropped off their espresso in small cups. "It's okay to talk about. It's awkward, but only slightly more awkward than actually having sex for the first time..."

"Uh, well, there's this boy...Kyle. And we've been seeing each other for a while, we've known each other for a long time. We love each other and I think, we both think, that it's what we want to do."

"That's a very adult decision to make, Maureen. And it's a very responsible adult thing to talk to your mom and ask her to take you to the clinic," Olivia replied.

"See! That's what I mean. I'm responsible, mature! I know what I'm doing," Maureen said.

"You're on the right track. Having sex means having to deal with all the consequences too. STIs, HIV, pregnancy... You should be able to handle the consequences before you make that decision."

"Why do you think I want to get on the pill? Neither Kyle or I have...you know...so we won't get an infection, and I know how birth control works..." Maureen tried to make her case.

"Sounds like you've put a lot of thought into it," Olivia said simply, sipping her espresso. Maureen tried to follow suit, but grimaced at the bitter taste of the coffee. "Not quite ready for espresso yet, huh?" she asked. Maureen gave her a small smile.

"How old were you when you first had sex?" Maureen asked her.

"Uh..." Olivia stalled, finally deciding on the truth. "Maureen, by the time I was your age...My mom. My mom, Maureen, she wasn't a good mom. She drank. A lot. And I cleaned up after her, took care of her. A lot. By the time I was your age, I hadn't been a child for years. I had adult responsibilities. I met a boy, when I was 15. And I loved him, and he loved me, and I slept with him. I knew I was adult enough to handle it, and I was. But there is a part of me that wishes I had the chance to stay a kid a little bit longer. You have the rest of your life to be an adult. Once you take this step, you can't untake it. You'll always have that past. If you decide you want to have sex, there is no better reason than because you love someone and you are prepared emotionally and physically, but you have the rest of your life to decide. It doesn't have to be now, understand?" She took another sip of her espresso.

Maureen was staring at her. Adults never talked to her like THIS, like she was also AN ADULT. She didn't care for it. It sounded big and open and scary. "Do you understand, Maureen?" The blond girl nodded at her and attempted another sip of the coffee in front of her. She grimaced again and Olivia tried to fight back a laugh.

"What happened to him? The boy you loved," Maureen asked.

Olivia sighed again. "Maureen, you have to understand my life was very different than yours has been. My decisions were the right ones for me..."

"So what happened to him?" she asked again.

"I married him," Olivia said. "And then he died a few months later, in a car crash."

"Oh my god, Olivia!" the blond said.

" I don't regret it Maureen, not for a minute. But I don't want you to do something you will regret either, huh? It was horrible, Maureen. I haven't told your dad all of that. I'm not asking you to lie if he asks you, but don't bring it up on your own, please?" she asked.

"Of course! I won't..I mean...My dad...come on, I don't talk to him about stuff," she said hurriedly.

"You know, Maureen," Olivia said with a smile, "I like your dad, and contrary to what you think, sometimes he actually listens. You should try it some time. He might have some good advice."

"My dad! Come on, my dad's only advice is to put my hair back in pigtails," she replied with a grin.

Olivia looked at her watch, "Come on, we should get back. I'll even buy you a hot chocolate to make up for making you try the espresso."

"It's not so bad," the girl replied, taking another sip and grimacing again.

"You don't have to fake it, Maureen. It's okay. But maybe you should wait to be an adult until you like it?" she said.

Maureen took her hot chocolate gladly, wondering if they were still talking about coffee or not.

They entered the precinct and found it quiet. Elliot and Kathy were nowhere to be seen. Fin gestured upstairs when Olivia asked. "He came down about 10 minutes ago and wondered where you two had gone. I told him."

"Thanks, Fin," she said and headed up the stairs, Maureen tagging behind her. "See, she said over her shoulder. I knew he wouldn't pay attention to what I had said."

Maureen snickered at how well Olivia knew her father. They found Kathy and Elliot sitting on the couch, splitting the rest of his sandwich. The argument appeared to have been resolved. Olivia didn't ask, though she was dying to know what they had decided, and Maureen didn't say anything either. Seeing them, Elliot jumped up off the couch and hugged his oldest daughter.

"I'm sorry I yelled, Maureen. I'm not ready for you to be an adult yet," Elliot said.

"So what did you guys decide? You know I can always take myself to the free clinic if I want to, I thought it would be MATURE to involve mom though," she replied.

"Yeah, your mom's going to talk to you some more, just not here," he said, giving her another hug. "Now get out of here, we have work to do and my partner's been gallivanting around the city getting coffee without even bringing me any." Maureen gave him a grin and pulled the coffee Olivia had given her for him from around her back. He mussed her hair and gave her another hug.

"Let's go, Maureen," Kathy said, holding out her hand for her daughter. Maureen followed her down the stairs.

Settling back down on the couch and grabbing the files she'd abandoned in haste earlier, Olivia turned her attention to them, pointedly ignoring Elliot's beseeching look. "Come on, Liv. What did the two of you talk about?"

"I told her if she wanted to be an adult, she should start drinking coffee so I bought her an espresso," Olivia replied blandly.

Elliot eyebrows shot up. "You bought her an espresso," he said doubtfully.

"Uh huh," she said, distracted by the file she was reading.

"What else did you talk about?" he pressed.

"None of your business," she said.

"She's my daughter, Olivia," he protested.

"Exactly, she's YOUR daughter. Not mine. I don't have to tell you what we talked about. She's a good kid, El. You did a good job with her," she said, not looking up.

"But...but..." he stammered. "Get back to work, Elliot, we have a lot to get through so you can get home and give your wife and daughter the third degree."

Knowing a brick wall when he saw one, he sat down in defeat and grabbed a file.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

A few weeks later, Olivia strolled into the squadroom at the 1-6 sitting a large coffee. She'd come from court and was standing at her desk, sorting through the mess of files. Fin came over and handed her a post-it. "Message for you. Came through the operator. The guy said he wanted to speak with you, didn't want to talk to a cop. Said to have you call him back."

She looked at the message scrawled on the post-it. "Jack Rhodes - call back."

"Did he leave a number?" she asked, irritated.

"Nah," Fin said. "I asked and he said 'it's the same number, she knows it.' He sounded old, you know how old geezers get the tremble in their voice...you know...like Munch," he said, grinning at his partner.

"Old geezer my ass, I can still kick yours..." Munch replied.

"Yeah, at what? Crossword puzzles?" Fin replied.

"Go do some work, Fin...Thanks." She grabbed the post-it, looked at it a second time and stuck in on her desk where it was quickly buried in paperwork. Elliot sat at his desk grinning at them.

"Not gonna call him back?" Elliot asked. "Maybe the geezer wants a date?" he teased.

"He doesn't want a date and I don't know the number. I probably have it at home somewhere, I'll call him back later." In her head she was thinking 'no chance in hell was she calling him back. Over twenty years and now he wants to be a part of her life. No way.'

They quickly got wrapped up in their cases and by the time Olivia got home, the message was forgotten. She didn't even remember to feel guilty for not trying to find his phone number.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

The next week Olivia and Elliot were sitting at their desks, discussing the best strategy for their current case. Olivia had gone to get a refill on their coffees when Elliot saw and older man with flyaway white hair and a tweed sports coat hesitantly enter the squadroom.

"Excuse me, sir. I'm looking for the Special Victims Office," he said.

"You found it. I'm Detective Stabler, can I help you with something?" Elliot replied, keen eyes taking in the man's clean but rumpled appearance.

"Oh good. I'm looking for Olivia Benson, they told me downstairs she would be on this floor," he replied.

"Sure, Detective Benson's my partner. What do you need, sir?" Elliot asked.

"I just need to talk to her," he said. Catching sight of her across the room, he said "Olivia!" And waved a little as he walked towards her as she walked back towards her desk with two coffee mugs in her hands.

Seeing the older man in front of her, Olivia stopped short and stared. He was much older than last time she had seen him, seemed older than what 20 years should have added to him. He was a little stooped, a little frail, but had the same bald head and hair that was now white and wispy where before it had been brown and curly. She jerked briefly and then set the two coffee mugs on Elliot's desk.

"Jack! What are you doing here? How did you find me?" she asked.

"Did you know, Olivia, that there is a website at the public library where you can type in anything and it tells you whatever you want to know about that thing? I searched you and since you're a police officer, you popped up all over the place. A few calls and they directed me here," he explained.

"You googled me?" she asked, still a little shocked that this man was standing in her squadroom. Elliot was staring at her but no one else had noticed yet. "Why are you here?" she asked again.

"I wanted to see how you were doing. Look at you! Haven't changed so much…you're hair is shorter," he replied.

"After 23 years? You just all of a sudden wondered how I was?" she said sharply.

"Olivia, it was always Marcy that had a problem...not me, I just couldn't argue with her, not then..." he said back.

"So now you can disagree with her, all of a sudden?" Olivia asked again.

"She died, Olivia. 5 months ago," the man said. Olivia felt the anger go out of her shoulders. Now she just felt bad all over.

"I'm...I'm sorry, Jack. Where's Sarah?" she asked.

"Florida. Married, got 3 kids. I'm going down there for a few months, but not for another 3 weeks and today...you remember what today is?" he said.

Olivia sighed a mighty sigh. Elliot was still watching them, but was pretending to mind his own business. Unfortunately Munch and Fin had noticed her visitor and were paying a lot more attention, not even trying to hide it. "Yeah, Jack, I remember. Okay. How did you get here?" she asked suddenly.

"I took the train and then the subway and then a bus and don't look at me like I'm nuts. I might be old, but I remember how to move around the city, been doing it my whole life remember? What is it that you do here?" he asked.

"I'm a detective," she replied, wondering what in the world she was going to do with him.

"What's Special Victims?" he asked.

"It's a special department, we work with victims of sexual assault, or abuse, children..." Olivia explained.

"Ah..I bet you are very good at your job," he said kindly.

"Look, Jack..." she began as Elliot interupted her.

"She is. VERY good at her job," he said. Olivia was glaring at him. Elliot had no idea who this guy was or why he was there, but he could tell his partner didn't particularly like him or want him there.

The man rewarded Elliot and Olivia with a smile that made his eyes twinkle. Olivia rolled her eyes and said, "I'll give you a ride home, Jack. We can talk in the car. Sit here" she gestured to her desk, seeing Jack eyeing her photographs and notes on her desk. "And don't touch anything. I'll be right back," she said, setting the two mugs down on her desk.

Jack sat down and Elliot offered him a cup of coffee. Jack accepted and Elliot went to the other side of the room to pour him a cup in a clean mug.

Olivia had marched over to Cragen's office and stuck her head inside. "Uh, Cap, I have a little situation..." She gestured to the old man sitting at her desk. "I need a few hours to drive him home."

"Sure, no problem, it's quiet and you have the time," he replied, turning back to his paperwork. Looking up again he said "You want to take a sedan? Call it dropping off a complainant?" he offered.

"That'd be great. I'll be back in three, four hours tops..." she said.

He waved her off.

Out in the squadroom, Jack watched her storm off and then scanned the photos on her desk. "I always knew she'd turn out to be one of the good ones," he said to no one in particular.

Overhearing him, Munch took a step towards him. "And how do you know our Detective Benson?" Munch asked him.

Jack was still looking at the photos on her desk, picked up one of the four detectives that was sitting perched up against the picture frame of her mother.

He looked up at the other detective and smiled a little. It was a sad smile. "A hundred years ago she used to be my daughter-in-law," he said. Munch and Fin were the only ones who heard him. They shared a glance with each other.

Olivia arrived back at her desk and grabbed her handbag just as Elliot came back with the coffee. "Ready Jack?" And then to Elliot she said "He'll have to pass on the coffee, we have to go."

"Are you sure we can't stay a minute? Your friends seem nice..." he said.

"No, Jack let's go," she said a little too harshly.

Standing and following her out the door, the others heard him say "Come on now, Olivia. Don't be mad..."

The three detectives watched them go, each of them a bit baffled.

"Think she'll be okay with him on her own? The guy's clearly off his rocker," Munch said.

"I dunno, seemed nice enough to me, though I don't think Olivia was happy to see him," Elliot said.

"Nice enough, maybe, but he thinks Liv is his daughter-in-law. He probably doesn't even remember where he lives," Fin replied.

Elliot turned quickly just in time to see his partner and the older man step into the elevator. They both looked sad. His partner's history was getting stranger and stranger.

In the car, Olivia deftly maneuvered the car into traffic and onto the highway, glad that the weather was better than the last time she'd driven upstate. Finally Jack turned to her and said "So how are you, Olivia?" He always called her by her full name.

"Really Jack, after 23 years you ask how I am?" she snapped.

"Well, yeah...that's why I came all the way into Manhattan. Look, I have a train ticket back, you don't have to drive me..." he said.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm just...surprised I guess. I didn't think I would ever see you again," she replied.

"I know. That's my fault I suppose. You know Marcy never wanted the two of you..."

"I know she didn't like me, Jack, you can say it," she said.

"She didn't want any of the memories you know, wanted to go back to how things were before, remember things from the past. We always celebrated his birthday, you know. Did something special...and now...well, now I didn't have anyone to celebrate with so..."

"So you thought you'd look me up after 23 years..." Olivia finished for him.

"I guess I figured you were the only connection I had left to him, as brief as it had been..."

She glanced over at him and smiled. She always did have a soft spot for old men. She slowly started to tell him what she did for a living, about her life the past years.

He did notice the lack of any serious romantic relationships. He didn't want her to be lonely.

"No special man then? Please tell me you haven't been pining away all these years...you deserve more than that," he said.

"Oh please, Jack. You don't know what I deserve. I could be a serial killer masked as a cop for all you know," she said, half joking.

"Nah, not you Olivia. You had a heart that bled for others your whole life, just want to make sure it didn't bleed too long for you."

"Jack, you guys cut me out of your life when Steve died. That was just more than half my life ago. If you worried that much about me, the time to have done something about it would have been 23 years ago. But I'm fine, Jack, really. I haven't gotten married because I haven't found the right person...again...but that doesn't mean I've been wasting my life away."

"Glad to hear it then," he replied.

Four hours later she arrived back at the precinct, irritated that she now had to spend the evening finishing paperwork instead of enjoying a glass of wine on her couch. Sighing, she turned in to her desk and focused, trying to get it done as quickly as possible. Slowly the rest of the squadroom emptied out and Olivia sat alone at her desk, small light at her desk creating shadows in the rest of the room. Elliot came down from the locker rooms having gotten in a quick work out. Seeing her alone downstairs, he headed to join her.

"Hey, you need help?" he offered. She looked up at him in shock.

"Are you actually OFFERING to help me with my DD5s?" she asked.

"Hey, don't give me too hard of a time or I'll take back my offer," he rebutted.

She gave him a smirk instead of a verbal response and silently handed him a stack of forms. He grabbed his pen and started in.

They were wrapping up at quarter to nine. It was a least an hour before she had planned on getting out. "Thanks for the help, El," she said as she grabbed her coat. He'd been chewing on what to say to his partner all day. He was dying to figure out what the hell she had been keeping secret. It could be nothing or it could be something huge. Either way it was something she hadn't wanted to share with him before.


	2. Chapter 2

They were wrapping up at quarter to nine. It was a least an hour before she had planned on getting out. "Thanks for the help, El," she said as she grabbed her coat. He'd been chewing on what to say to his partner all day. He was dying to figure out what the hell she had been keeping secret. It could be nothing or it could be something huge.

They were gathering their things, about ready to leave when Elliot asked "So, are you going to tell me about your elderly visitor or not?"

Olivia stopped what she had been doing and stood still for a minute. She looked up at Elliot and then went back to gathering her things. Without looking up at him again she said "Do you want to go grab a beer or something? It's a story that goes better with alcohol."

"Sure," he agreed, and followed her out of the building.

Fifteen minutes later they were sitting at a small table at the bar down the street, beers in front of them. They each sipped their beers in silence.

"So..." Elliot looked at her.

She looked at him and sipped her beer. She made a face and then said "Elliot, when I was 17, I got married. Jack Rhodes used to be my father-in-law."

He stared at her blank faced, beer half-way to his mouth, frozen.

Instead of waiting for him to force out a response, she just continued. "I met him when I was fifteen, almost 16. He was actually a student in my mother's freshman English class. I fell for him hard. And the crazy thing was that he loved me back. His parents didn't know how old I was, and I could pull off acting older than I was; I hadn't been a kid for ages."

"My mother didn't know for a really long time. Things with her had gotten really bad. She didn't notice when I didn't come home a lot of the time. I just made sure I left a note saying I was staying at a friend's house for her in case she did notice. And then one day I forgot. When I got home from school that day she screamed at me and demanded to know where I had been. It was the first time she ever got mad at me for the stupid things teenagers do to freak out their parents. And... I was secretly glad that she was yelling at me. But then she started drinking, and screaming some more...and she...she threatened to hurt me," she left out the details of that particular incident, "so I left. I spent 4 days at Steve's parent's house. I eventually went back, but I knew I couldn't stay there. By that point I was almost 17, Steve was almost 19, finishing up his second year of college. I met with a lawyer...God, it feels so long ago, like it was a different life. I don't know if it's still true, but in the 80s, in New Jersey, if you were over 17 and could prove you could support yourself, you could get a marriage license. I got a part time job, Steve had a job and his student loans. We got a shitty little studio apartment upstate near the trains so I could still get to school, and when I turned 17...we went to the court house and got married."

Elliot still hadn't said anything, but was looking at her with a look of expectation. Olivia could barely stand to meet his eye. "We had no money. We literally survived on noodles and egg salad sandwiches. We went to his parent's once a week for dinner. They weren't thrilled with the idea, but they loved their son, so..." He still hadn't said anything. She didn't want to stop now, it would just make it harder.

"A few months later, during the summer, we decided to go to one of the free concerts they held in the fairground upstate. We sat in the back and couldn't hear a thing and had a wonderful time. It was one of those gross summer days where everything is brown and so muggy. On the way home it started to rain. I've never seen it rain like that before. The car...it was old, really light-weight and it just spun on the water. I'm not sure what we hit, maybe a post or a tree, but we ended up off the road. I remember waking up, I couldn't move, was pinned in the car. I could see Steve and he wasn't moving. It seemed like ages before someone came to get us out. When...when I got to the hospital, they told me he had died, probably on impact or shortly after. I actually hadn't seen my mother for 5 months at that point. The hospital called her, but she was too...she couldn't come get me. I went home with the Rhodes and then back to the apartment for a few days. Eventually I moved back in with my mother. In the fall, I went away to college like every other teenager. Steve's parents didn't want much to do with me, especially his mother. She was upset from the very beginning. They didn't exactly blame me, but I think I represented everything that had gone wrong with their son and they didn't want me around to remind them. I haven't seen Jack since then."

She stopped and took a long drink of her beer, finishing it and then getting the bartenders attention for two more.

"Why did he come find you today?" Elliot asked.

"It's Steve's birthday. His wife died a few months ago and I think he didn't want to be alone with his memories, so he decided to trek into Manhattan to find me."

"Why didn't you tell anybody this, Liv?"

She shrugged. "Why do you think? I basically ran away from home, got married. MARRIED, Elliot, the holy covenant and all. I lived in a hovel for 5 months. People judge, Elliot. I was just a kid, but I loved him dearly. I don't want people judging me for that. Plus, I've been a widow for more than half my life. I don't like to think of MYSELF like that." She took another sip of her beer.

Finally Elliot said "So basically, the crazy guy in the station was right, Munch and Fin were right, the woman at the hospital was right. It was just me and I was wrong because everything you told me was a lie," he said, sounding bitter. He was mad at her for keeping a secret; his ego was bruised. He thought he was righteous in his indignation because she was the one who had been untruthful, but deep inside, he was upset that she hadn't trusted him enough.

"Everything I told you was a lie?" She was incredulous. "Come on Stabler, the only thing I lied about was never having been married, and I don't even think I told you that, I think I let you assume that. You thought what you wanted to think about me." She said it accusingly.

"I...Ah, I guess, yeah. I'm sorry, Olivia." She knew it wasn't so much an apology for his accusation, but an expression of his regret for what she had gone through. It didn't help to sweep away the awkwardness of the moment though.

She shrugged and didn't look up. "Look, Elliot, I kept this quiet because it's a part of my past that I don't like to think about. I'd appreciate it if you didn't bring this up at work."

"Sure, whatever you want, Liv. What are you going to tell Fin and Munch. They're going to be nosy about this Jack character too." Elliot was looking at her, as if reading every line on her face.

She shrugged again. "I'll just tell them he was an old neighbor who gets confused sometimes. It's mostly true."

"You going to see him again?" he asked.

"Ah, I dunno. I always had a soft spot for him, but he reminds me of a lot of things about my life, about me that I don't like to remember. Probably why they didn't wanted to talk to me for 23 years too," she replied. She polished off the rest of her beer and fished some bills out of her purse. She threw the bills on the table saying, "Thanks again for you help. I think I'm going to head home. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure…" Elliot replied. Olivia was up and out the door before he had finished the sentence. He quickly threw a few more bills on the table and got outside just in time to see her hunched against the drizzle, disappearing into the sea of humanity walking down the street. She looked like someone who had experience far too much tragedy in her life.


End file.
